Rain.

Cold and warm
wet and soft
hard and sharp.
Rain is falling.
Down its coming,
depressing and cleansing,
warm and burning.
Numbing my bones and freezing my blood.
Clearing my mind and drowning it.
Sigh
Cry
and Roar.
Rain comes down
soaks me to the bone.
Washes my core and makes me clean.
I look up.
Into the rolling and crashing.
Black clouds stretch from horizon to horizon.
I take a deep breath,
and scream.
The storm takes my screams,
my cries,
my sobs,
and tears.
They add to the din
crashing all around me.
My hair is dark,
plastered to my skull
and clinging to my neck.
My skin is light,
and pale as ice.
Cold from the sheets of water
driving down around me.
But also on fire.
Burning from the sting.
The sting of ice hitting my skin,
like a thousand needles.
But I feel no pain.
No pain.
This is what the rain does.
I cleanses the pain.
The pain on my skin,
and the pain inside.
The hot ball of stress,
grief,
hate,
and hurt.
It cools and shrinks,
dropping from my body
like a load finally set down
after a long day.
As I scream and cry
to the sky.
It takes it all,
and throws it back.
Back as fresh water,
to wash any lingering bad feelings away.
From my mind,
my heart,
my soul,
and my spirit.
As the storm peaks,
and lightning tears at the sky.
I collapse.
Its to much.
I can't stand under it.
Only lay there,
tired and spent.
The storm slows.
The wind dies,
the water thins,
and it no longer falls.
The clouds part
and the light streams down,
on me.
Tired and cried out,
spent and weak.
But at peace.
Finally at peace.
I close my eyes,
and stop.

Walking Home

down the street,
I felt a car whiz by.
The wind
buffeted
carressed
pushed
and floated all around me.
And in that instant,
I wondered what it would hve felt like
if the car had hit me.
Would it hurt right away?
Or would it take a minuet?
Would I fly?
Or would I just get crushed under the wheels?
What would the landing be like?
Would I hit my head on a rock?
Would I black out?
And the driver?
Would they stop and call for help?
Or would it just be a hit and run?
I'm not sure which I would prefer.
I wouldn't want them to get in trouble,
but I would want to thank them.
And afterwards?
Would I die?
Would I be in a coma?
How many people would visit me,consious or not?
What about my funeral?
Would anyone come?
Would they cry if they did?
I kinda hope they would.
That way I could know who cared.
These questions buzz around my skull,
bumping and colliding.
I would want to fly.
To be in a coma.
If only to see who came to see me.
Who would hold my hand,
talk to me,
pray for me,
hope for me,
cry for me?
I'm afraid though.
That no one would.
That makes me cry.
But what makes me smile
is that if you asked me
if I would have stepped in front
of that car.
My answer would be:
Yes
in a heart beat.

Birthday's Suck

Colors spun around me, the room blurred as I spun and moved to the music. The bump and grind of other people around me was rhythmic and smooth as we all swayed to the sounds echoing from the huge speakers around the room. The song ended but another one started almost immediately. I disentangled myself from the mass of people bouncing to the new song and clicked to the bar. I was wearing red sandals with three inch heels. Funny though, I didn't remember putting these on when my friends hustled me to this cluv. Then I remembered the bag my friend Amber had with her. She must have had them in there and swapped my shoes for these. I leaned over the bar and looked for the bartender. When I was looking to the right, he came up behind me on the left. "~Can I help you?~" He asked in perfect Japanese. (note: I can't speak Japanese.) I leaned back over the counter, slightly shame-faced. "~Um yeah sorry. I just need a Strawberry Daiquiri, extra alcohol please~" I said in flawless Japanese. He nodded, apparently I was already forgiven. "Ok but I'm going to need to see your ID.~" I nodded and handed him my drivers license. He checked the date and smirked at me. "~Your birthday is today?~" I wrinkled my nose. "~Ugh yes. The only good thing that came out a this is that I am now legal here.~" The guy nodded. He got started on my Daiquiri and I felt an arm around my waist. "~KAAAAAAIIIIIITTTTTTYYYYYYY!!!~" My gay best friend Izzy was falling over himself, with his boytoy boyfriend holding up his other side. Izzy isn't one of those 'Flamboyant Gays', you know the ones that are sometimes better at giving tips and swapping gossip than normal girls. He only goes flamboyant on us when he's drunk. I groaned as Izzy passed out. "Ah no Izzy! Not now! Dammit, Payne for someone that doesn't drink, you sure do let Izzy.~" I glared at him. He just grinned and said, "~He's fun when he's drunk!~" I slapped my head into my hand. "Fine! Whatever! But you," I jabbed him in the chest while keeping Izzy off the ground by one arm. "are going to be taking care of him for the rest of the night. And tomorrow when he's hung over!~" He shrugged. "~Okay.~" I held up one finger. "~And, you can't call any of us for the Cure." Payne groaned. "~But Kaaaaiiiittttyyy!!!!~" He wined at me. (Payne is the flamboyant one.) "~Don't! Start with me!~" He pouted. I rolled my eyes. "Its your fault. Maybe this will teach you not to let Izzy drink this much.~" Payne rolled his eyes at me. "At least tonight I'm gettin' the best sex EVER!!!!" He screamed the last part in English. A few people glanced over at us, mostly our group. The rest were tourists like us. I was suddenly glad Amber had recommended this off-the-beaten-track club for my birthday party. The bartender set my drink on the bar. "~This one and the next few are on me.~" He glanced at the wild couple now grinding up against each other. (Izzy had woken up. When he passes out, its only for about 10 mins. and he's ready to go again.) I nodded and mouthed 'Thank You' to him. He nodded and went to go serve a few other girls. As I beat my head on the bar, I reflected on how I'd come to this point. Halfway around the planet, with two of my cousins and six of my closest friends on my 20th birthday.
TBC...

"Kaitlyn? Whats wrong?" I looked up, my friend Izzy's voice cutting into my thoughts. "Oh nothing." I say, resting my head back on my desk again. " 'Cmon Kait. I know you better than that. Somethings bugging you, I know it." I sighed. I did want to tell someone. "Fine, oswari," I said, motioning to the desk in front of mine. Oswari meant sit in Japanese. Izzy sat down. "You see Izzy," I started, "I've been having these really weird dreams lately." I stop, remembering the terror i felt almost every night. "I'm standing on a battlefield in the middle of fight. There are people all around me, running with huge guns. Other people shoot at them. I see one person next to me get shot with four bullets to the chest and three between his eyes and he doesn't even flinch. Now the people shooting are running and screaming and dieing. And god, there's this horrible screaming and so much blood. Everyone lies dead around me. Men, women, and children. And it feels like its all my fault." I put my head in my hands. Izzy leans fore ward and gives me a hug. "Do you think this is a premonition Izzy?" I ask, wiping tears from my face. "I don't know Kait. But for once, I hope not."

The Middle

The Middle
Everything has its opposite.
We cannot have good without evil.
Because without evil, how would we know what good is?
We cannot have evil without good.
Because without good, how would we know what evil is?
Everything has its opposite.
Good has Evil
Up has Down
Yes has No
Left has Right
First has Last
Everything has its opposite.
Except for those in the middle.
We are few
And have no other half.
We blend into the shadows.
You do not see us unless we want you to.
If you see us, we become fast friends
If you don't, you are oblivious.
We are few.
We are the original masters of disguise.
You do not chose the middle life,
It chooses you.
We are more powerful than the first
or the last.
We keep the peace.

Join Us, If You Dare.